• Tanqueray 10
• Burnt Cauliflower Campari
• Pumpkin Seed
• Carraway
• Port
• Healthy Snack

David Brent (aka Ricky Gervais)'s cringeworthy antics put Slough – and British comedy – on the map, reducing grown men to epic Office quote-offs. "Friend first, boss second, entertainer third" becomes the ethos of the 2001 workplace, immortalised by our bittersweet, vegetable infused Office Gossip cocktail...

• Absolut Elyx
• Zara Lebu
• Lemongrass
• Kaffir Lime
• Copper Lightning

David Bowie (RIP) tours the world in a creative comeback. Fans go wild as he plays the whole of rejected 1977 album 'Low' and curates a sensational Meltdown Festival, where Philip Glass performs orchestral versions of his back catalogue. Our Zingy Stardust is a citrus gimlet tinged with electric bitters and served with the signature Ziggy lightening and blue rim.

• Patrón Silver
• Martini Rubino
• Dried Mango
• Habanero
• Verjus
• Pink Grapefruit
• Guzano

Sacha Baron Cohen playing rudeboy wannabee Ali G is funny – your friends doing endless Ali G impressions is not. Pop a spicy Booyakasha! margarita in their hand before they awkwardly dip-snap the air and say 'Westside' again, in a voice that's more Harrods food hall than Staines ghetto. Keepin' it real Mayfair style, innit.

• Glenfiddich IPA
• Tobacco
• Hopped Grapefruit
• Coco & Leather Soda

Poker-faced pop mogul Simon Cowell launches 'The X Factor' and becomes one of the 100 most influential people on the planet – presumably for giving a moment of hope to people who can't sing and for reminding us all that High Wasted trousers are never a good look. Order this long whisky and tobacco highball if you've always wanted to hear the words 'it's a yes from me'.

• Seedlip Garden
• Cucumber
• Green Pea
• Lovage
• Avocado Oil

While Ellen MacArthur single-handedly sails the globe, 10 million viewers hurtle through time in a Tardis. Doctor Who returns, offering a handy surreal distraction for those disappointed by the magic mushroom ban. Routemasters are taken off London's roads to be turned into Daleks. Our Doc No. 9 space-dust cocktail is non-alcoholic, so all time-travellers will pass the Gallifrey breathalyser.

• Bombay Star
• Earth
• Grass
• Flowers

A year of wildlife, from David Attenborough's groundbreaking 'Planet Earth' to the newly arrived Twitter and Facebook. Lions stalk elephants, we stalk old flames. Birds of paradise flaunt tail-feathers, we update profile pictures. Chimps savagely eat each other as we reduce strangers to tears in 140 characters. Raise a glass to the Naturalist - it is amazing how far we have evolved.

• Johnnie Walker Black
• Lucano Anniversario
• Roasted Pecan
• Speculoos
• Plum
• Macca-iato

Hashtags #are #born, Damian Hirst sticks diamonds on a skull for 50 million and Sir Paul McCartney signs a record deal with Starbucks. One caffeinated crowd-pleaser that's not available at your local McCoffeeShop is the Macca-iato, infused with flavours from Macca's best puds. We promise we'll write your name completely incorrectly on your glass.

• Maker's 46
• 5-Berry Wine
• Tomato
• Cocoa Nibs
• Rhubarb

Expect the unexpected: scientists create a cow/human embryo, Woolworths disappears and floppy-haired toff Boris Johnson becomes Mayor of London. Boris once admired Churchill's penchant for whisky at breakfast, so the On Yer Bike is a boozy cobbler that goes perfectly with Weetabix and crumpets.

• Ketel One
• Greek Yogurt
• Indian Spices
• R de Ruinart Brut

Derren Brown guesses the Lottery numbers, a fraudster scores big with a defaced ticket, and Danny Boyle wins the Oscar jackpot with 'Slumdog Millionaire'. Our 50/50 dazzler wins the award for Most Surprising Drink a Lassi infused with Ketel One, Champagne and aromatic spices. No need to 'phone a friend' to help you drink it.

• Monkey 47
• Spiced Lillet
• Citrus
• Seasonal Soda

A burning scar and seven books of spells turn one broke author from JK Rowling to JK Rolling-in-it, who is named Most Influential Woman in Britain for getting kids reading and making four-eyes cool again. The bar has a strict no broomstick policy.

• Don Julio Blanco
• Smoke
• Blue Maori Tea
• Mole
• Spiced Piloncillo
• Clarified Milk

In a year of riots, Anne the last British circus elephant retires, while beehived wildchild Amy Winehouse (RIP) dies aged 27. In the wake of her death, Back to Black becomes the biggest-selling UK album of all time. Our quirky, dark take on a Milk Punch blends Amy's cuppa love with Smoke and a Spiced Piloncillo.

• Bacardi Carta Blanca
• Belsazar Riesling
• Greens
• Citrus
• Dill & Lovage

A meteor may be visible in the skies above the UK, but the real stars this year have their feet firmly on the ground. Team GB soars to third place at our home-grown Olympics, while Andy Murray saves British tennis with historic wins on the US Open and Olympic courts. The Drop Shot is a herbal refresher, designed to revive any Wimbledon crowd member who faints from Murray-mania.

• Jackfruit
• Orange
• Jasmine
• Roses
• Ginger

Raise your glass of Silver Spoon - sweet, fruity and alcohol-free, to wet the Royal head as William and Kate welcome Prince George. He is born into a world where same-sex couples can marry, hamburgers are grown in a lab, 'selfie' enters the dictionary and a zoo bans animal-print clothes for being too confusing. Kate ditches the zebra-stripe babygro.

• Scarfes 15yo
• Gonzales Byass P.X.
• Gravy
• Spiced Honey
• Pear Balsamic
• Aged Bitters

It may be the hottest year on record, but one man feels left out in the cold. Scottish First Minister, Alex Salmond, resigns as Scotland votes to stay in the UK (must be our balmy climate). Scots may have voted differently after drinking a Tartan Spartan - with aged whisky, Scottish honey and Highland notes, it's a veritable sporran in a glass.

• Zacapa 23
• Redbreast Lustau
• Banana Wine
• Fig Leaf
• Marzipan
• Citrus

Tim Peake blasts into space, the Dalai Lama performs at Glastonbury, Lambeth bans laughing gas and Sir Richard Branson is crowned most influential entrepreneur. We can't buy you an island, put squillions in your bank or make your train run on time, but we can give you fruity rum tingles with our Neck it tropical delight.

• Pistachio Barfi
• Almond
• Cardamom
• Coco Coffee

Sadiq Khan becomes Mayor of London after receiving the largest number of election votes of any politician in British history. The Tooting MP transforms London's transport – so it's all aboard our Toot Toot cocktail, enriched with flavours from around the globe – pistachio and almond, cardamom, coffee and his favourite treat, pistachio barfi.

• Enigma
• Jackfruit
• Coronation Scent
• Perrier Jouët Grand Brut

The Queen turns 90 and parties into the record books as our longest-serving monarch. Bells ring, Royal guns salute and schoolchildren receive special coins (unsure what all the fuss is about). Champagne and a spot of Coronation scent go into our Little Cabbage celebratory tipple. Well done, Ma'am – not many of us could hack the same job for 65 years. Or lick our own face at the Post Office.

• Royal Salute 21yo
• Saffron
• Algarve Figs
• Ginger Effect

American actress Meghan Markle tames Britain's playboy prince and vows to make an honest man of Prince Harry. Excitement spreads throughout the land with news of their May nuptials, while Meghan swaps Suits for satin and our fun-loving ginger nut prepares to leave his partying days behind now that he is firmly Off the Market.